Do you know your boundaries?
I am passionate about this subject! First of all because I believe that boundaries are extremely important to women and mothers and also because I have my own messy history involving lack of boundaries. A few years ago, after feeling overwhelmed, overworked and resentful I reached a breaking point and spent several months researching boundaries. I read, journalled, observed my own boundaries and experimented. The results were surprising! The clearer and stronger my boundaries became the less resentful I felt. My relationships became more loving and peaceful.
Sometimes I struggled to know where my limits were, which made it hard to communicate my boundaries to the outside world. Self-knowledge is an important component of healthy boundaries.
THE CLEARER YOU ARE ON WHAT YOU WANT TO INVITE INTO YOUR LIFE THE EASIER IT IS TO KNOW YOUR BOUNDARIES.
It seems obvious, and yet many of us struggle with knowing what they can take and what their limits are.
How many times have you agreed to do something and then you felt like it was a bad idea? You didn’t want to do it at all. Why did you say yes? Perhaps because you were afraid to say no. Or maybe you are not used to saying no, and this choice didn’t even occur to you. And some people want to “be nice”. The choice of “being nice” instead of setting boundaries brings about the opposite results.
In our culture boundaries are often presented as something scary. Many think that setting boundaries is assertive in a way that is not necessarily good. People are reluctant to set boundaries out of fear of not being accepted or not being understood. Saying what you want may seem uncomfortable.
“CHOOSE DISCOMFORT OVER RESENTMENT.”
Brene Brown created this mantra “to hold on to—literally—during those awkward moments when an ask hangs in the air. The mantra reminds me that I’m making a choice that’s critical for my well-being—even if it’s not easy.” ( from an interview with Oprah).
I found these three things crucial in establishing clear and strong boundaries:
1. Examining which areas of your life you feel most resentful and explore how this could be avoided with stronger boundaries
2. While setting boundaries it is helpful to think of what you want to invite into your life rather than what you are fed up with.
3. Once you know where your boundaries are, communicate them!
A vast part of interpersonal communication relates to setting boundaries. Clear boundaries can be an expression of kindness and love and can bring clarity and lightness to your life. As someone said
“WALLS KEEP EVERYONE OUT, BOUNDARIES ALLOW THE RIGHT ONES IN”.
If you are interested in the subject and want to find out more please contact me or check the event page on my website – I will offer a workshop on boundaries soon as a part of Mothers Rising program.