How Our Feelings don't match our expectations

School kid holding mom's hand on the first day of Kindergarden

This week was tough. My youngest one went off to Kindergarten. She was mostly fine. Maybe a little scared but if she was too scared she would try getting out of it. Luckily there was some curiosity and excitement as well. And there she was, shy in line, gladly accepting the comforting hugs from her big sister. 

I went home and wept. I hadn’t expected that! She is my second baby and I have already been through it all. “Why am I so emotional now? This is weird” – I thought!

I was about to retreat into my old pattern of matching my feelings to what I think they should be. It took me a while to untangle the feelings I felt from what I expected them to be. And truly, I felt sad!

I know, my daughter is fine. She will even have fun. But this isn’t really about her. It’s about me learning who I am without her. Fortunately, this is a process and I still have years to Figure it out. 

My new view.

My new view.

There was discomfort, sadness, pain, insecurity on that first Kindergarten day…  I had a long to-do list but no internal resources to get any work done. 

I finally managed to embrace my weepy mood and the changes. And to my husband's dismay, on Tuesday I channeled this energy into re-shuffling the furniture in the entire house. Gosh, was I tired that night! My body still aches. But now it feels like our home caught up to the changes our family is going through… Luckily everyone loves the new arrangement of furniture.

I am grateful for this situation being a reminder of what I say to my clients: 

Don’t judge your feelings. They will be there regardless. You may as well welcome them and Let them guide you. 

Aga Lawrynowicz